DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Key Facts About Domestic Violence

It Affects People Across All Walks of Life

Domestic Violence Awareness Month is in October

We all need loving, safe connection. Yet for many individuals, instead of love and safety, they experience abuse—often behind closed doors and in silence. Domestic violence affects people in every community, including the church. Sadly, many victims feel trapped, afraid, and unsure where to turn for help. As followers of Christ, we cannot ignore the suffering of those who are oppressed. Jesus consistently cared for the vulnerable and called His people to do the same.

Scripture is clear: abuse is never justified, violence is never acceptable, and domination is never God’s design for relationships. God’s heart is always for justice, protection, and the healing of those who have been harmed. We encourage churches and communities to take this issue seriously. We can all play a role by:

• Educating ourselves about abuse and healthy relationships

• Supporting and listening to those who are suffering

• Creating safe and healing environments within our churches

• Refusing to tolerate abuse in any form

The Church should be a place of refuge, protection, and restoration. By responding with truth, compassion, and wisdom, we can reflect the heart of Christ to those who feel forgotten or alone. If you are a pastor, leader, or advocate, please take time to learn how to support victims and respond wisely when abuse is revealed. Together, we can bring light into the darkness and stand with those who need hope, safety, and healing.

To be in a relationship that is suppose to be the most supportive, loving, and caring relationship and ends up being your worse real life nightmare... is not easy to acknowledge. Family violence in a home can have devastating affects on everyone. The impact has been one of the hardest to overcome. I am grateful for the help of my parents and the support and healing I received years later.

Most are unaware that they need restoration.The right help and support matters. Understanding impact in the beginning of your healing journey can help you to move forward quicker. Domestic violence does not discriminate. It can affect individuals of any age, gender, race, or socioeconomic background. However, women and children are disproportionately impacted.

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over another person in an intimate or family relationship.

It can occur between:

• Spouses or partners (married or unmarried)

• Dating partners

• Former partners

• Family members living in the same household

Domestic violence is not only physical—it can include many forms of harm and control.

Types of Domestic Violence

1. Physical Abuse

Intentional use of physical force that can cause injury or harm.

Examples:

• Hitting, slapping, punching

• Kicking or choking

• Pushing or restraining

• Using or threatening with weapons

2. Emotional or Psychological Abuse

Behavior intended to manipulate, control, or undermine a person's mental wellbeing.

Examples:

• Constant criticism or humiliation

• Gaslighting (making someone question their reality)

• Threats or intimidation

• Isolating someone from friends or family

3. Sexual Abuse

Any sexual activity forced or pressured without consent.

Examples:

• Forced sexual acts

• Coercion or pressure for sex

• Sexual humiliation

• Assault within a relationship or marriage

4. Financial or Economic Abuse

Controlling someone’s access to money or financial resources.

Examples:

• Preventing a partner from working

• Controlling bank accounts

• Withholding money

• Creating debt in the partner’s name

5. Digital or Technological Abuse

Using technology to monitor, harass, or control someone.

Examples:

• Tracking phones or GPS

• Monitoring messages or social media

• Harassing through texts or online

Key Characteristics of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence often involves:

• Power and control

• Patterns of behavior, not just one incident

• Escalation over time

• Periods of apology or reconciliation followed by abuse again (often called the cycle of abuse)

Who Can Be Affected

Domestic violence can affect:

• Women

• Men

• Children

• People of any age, culture, or socioeconomic background

Children who witness domestic violence can also experience significant emotional and developmental impacts.

Important Note-Healthy relationships are characterized by:

• Respect

• Mutual decision-making

• Safety

• Freedom without fear

Domestic violence occurs when fear, control, or harm replaces these qualities.

Long-Term Effects

The impacts of domestic violence can be long-lasting. Survivors may experience depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), substance abuse, and chronic physical health problems. Perpetrators may face guilt, shame, relationship breakdowns, legal consequences, and social isolation.

Children Are Affected

Children who witness or experience domestic violence are at increased risk of emotional trauma, developmental challenges, behavioral issues, and future involvement in abusive relationships — either as victims or perpetrators.

What Victims Need to Know

• It is not your fault- Abuse is a choice made by the abuser. Nothing you did caused it.

• You are not alone- Many people experience domestic violence, even though it often feels isolating. Support is available.

• Abuse often escalates- Violence and control can increase over time, making early support and safety planning important.

• You deserve safety and respect- Healthy relationships are built on trust, equality, and care — not fear or control.

• Leaving can be complex — and that’s okay. Fear, finances, children, emotional attachment, and safety concerns can make leaving difficult.

  
  

Help for Victims- Helpful healing steps you need to walk through:

Be strong enough to say “no more.”

• Find Your Voice

• Reach out to a domestic violence hotline or local advocacy organization for confidential support.

• Consider creating a personal safety plan with a trained advocate to leave.

• Talk to a trusted friend, family member, counselor, or advocate.

• If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services now.

• Establish safety in your home- even if that means you leave

• Stand up and ask for what you need to safe people

• Set boundaries (Emotional, Physical, Financial, Sexual)

  
  

What Perpetrators Need to Know

• Abuse is a choice- Stress, jealousy, substance use, or past trauma do not excuse abusive behavior.

• Abuse is not only physical- emotional, psychological, sexual, and financial abuse are all harmful and unacceptable.

• Apologies without change are not enough- Real accountability requires long-term behavioral change, not promises or temporary remorse.

• Abuse causes lasting harm- Partners and children can carry trauma long after the abuse ends.

• There are serious consequences- Domestic violence can result in arrest, legal action, loss of custody, employment consequences, and damaged relationships.

• Control is not love- Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect, consent, and equality.

  
  

Help for Perpetrators

• Seek professional support, such as batterer intervention programs or specialized counseling.

• Learn healthy ways to manage anger, jealousy, and conflict.

• Take responsibility for your actions — change begins with accountability.

• Getting help is not a weakness; it is a necessary step to stop harm and build healthier relationships.

Can an Abuser Change?

Change is possible, but it is not easy — and it is not guaranteed. Abuse is often rooted in learned attitudes, beliefs about entitlement, and a desire for power and control. These patterns can be deeply ingrained and difficult to unlearn. Some abusers have unresolved personal trauma that they have refused to deal with. For change to begin, an abuser must recognize their behavior as abusive and take full responsibility for it. Enrolling in a certified batterer intervention program is a critical first step. While people have the capacity to change, meaningful change requires genuine commitment, long-term effort, and accountability.

Some abusers may perceive benefits from controlling their partner and may minimize, justify, or deny the harm they cause. Ultimately, the abuser is the only person responsible for the abuse and the only person who can choose to change. No partner, child, or outside influence can make that decision for them.

Signs an Abuser Is Willing to Change

An abuser who is truly committed to change may:

• Fully admit to their abusive behavior

• Stop making excuses or blaming others

• Accept responsibility and acknowledge that abuse is a choice

• Consistently demonstrate respectful, kind, and supportive behavior

• Accept the consequences of their actions

• Respond differently to conflict, anger, or criticism

• Avoid demanding praise or credit for basic respectful behavior

• Respect their partner’s decision to end the relationship, if that is what the partner chooses

Change is shown through consistent actions over time, not promises, apologies, or short-term improvements.

How Can I Help a Friend Who Is an Abuser?

Supporting someone does not mean excusing or defending their behavior. You can help by:

• Learning about domestic violence to better recognize abusive patterns

• Refusing to support attempts to justify, minimize, or deny abusive behavior

• Encouraging professional help only if you feel completely safe doing so

• Reminding them that real change leads to healthier, safer relationships

• Staying appropriately supportive over the long term while holding firm boundaries

• Encouraging participation in certified intervention programs, such as batterer or partner abuse intervention programs

Support should always prioritize the safety of victims and your own safety.

Important Reminder

Accountability, professional intervention, and sustained effort are essential. Change is not quick, and it is not owed forgiveness or reconciliation. Respecting boundaries — including the end of a relationship — is part of real change.

They may be interested in taking classes through CFPA’s Partner Abuse Intervention Program (PAIP). For more information about the classes, please click here.

We believe abuse is a sin, so the Partner Abuse Intervention Program (PAIP) focuses on un-learning the negative and harmful behaviors- which to us is different.

As christians- we are to acknowledge our sin before the Lord, confess the sin as it truly is.

There is a difference between worldy and godly sorrow:

The definitive Bible verse distinguishing these two types of remorse is 2 Corinthians 7:10. 

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." (2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV)

This verse contrasts two different ways people respond to their mistakes and sins. 

• Godly Sorrow: A genuine conviction over sin that focuses on how it offends God. It leads to true repentance (a change of heart and behavior), restores your relationship with God, and results in spiritual life and peace.

• Worldly Sorrow:

  Regret driven by pride, the fear of getting caught, or the negative consequences of a mistake (e.g., losing a job or reputation). It focuses entirely on "I got caught" or "I feel embarrassed" rather than "I did wrong". Because it lacks true repentance, it usually leads to bitterness, despair, and spiritual death and disconnection.

  
  

PAIP is a 26-week educational group for men and women who are court ordered to attend or voluntarily seek services. The curriculum focuses on accountability for previous actions and building positive and respectful relationships that are violence-free. Fees are based on a sliding scale. For more information about PAIP, please call 309-698-2874.

National Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233) https://www.thehotline.org/#

Chat https://www.thehotline.org/#

Text "START" to 88788

Please get help and create space for healing and clarity.

You are not powerless.You still have choices.You still have responsibility.And you still have the ability to choose a healthier path for your life.

Sometimes separation is necessary in order to create safety, gain perspective, reduce harm, and decide what kind of future is truly healthy and possible.

A separation safety plan may be needed to determine what support, healing, and boundaries are necessary moving forward.

Possible paths may include:

Therapeutic Separation Path

A temporary separation where both individuals are willing to pursue healing with appropriate professional, therapeutic, and recovery support while working toward restoration in a healthy and honest way. They stay committed to the process and the steps that are agreed upon together.

Safety Separation Path

A period of physical and emotional space to step back from harmful, destructive, unhealthy, or abusive patterns in order to restore emotional safety, clarity, stability, and wisdom for future decisions.

Dissolution / Divorce Path

If destructive patterns continue, accountability is refused, or safety and trust cannot be rebuilt, separation may ultimately lead to the dissolution of the marriage and the ending of the relationship.

These decisions are not about punishment.They are about safety, healing, truth, responsibility, and choosing a healthier future for everyone involved.

Be brave and ask God for help and strength!!!

Please contact 911 if you feel like you are in immediate danger or a life-threatening situation.

Local Shelters that offer 45 day care to start you one your journey:

1. Optionhouseinc. https://www.optionhouseinc.com/resources_1/dv-overviewfacts-and-101

2. House of Ruth https://www.houseofruthinc.org