SURVIVING TO THRIVING

THE MINDSET SHIFT- Those who have been victimized often continue self-identifying as victims long after their abuse. They get stuck feeling helpless, hopeless and powerless over their feelings, their choices, and their life. This hinders recovery, redemption and restoration growth. Getting proper care, support and resources at the right time is important for recovery.

The road forward is about moving beyond your feelings and beliefs of powerlessness. Learned helplessness is part of the "staying stuck" and not taking ownership of how this has impacted you. Sometimes our belief's about ourself and understanding the thought-feeling connection is helpful for healing. Our thoughts and belief's matter and what we are thinking about what happened shapes our perspective- it's really our life lens. Our view of life, people and the circumstances.

There needs to be a discovery path when you actually slow down and examine your thoughts and feelings. Identity can be confused with feelings and we can attach belief statements that become inner vows and judgments against ourself, others and even God.

Yes, you have been victimized- but that does not mean that you have to continue to be a victim. It is the impact because of what you went through that you have to pay attention too. How are you "managing the impact and imprint" in your life?

God made us to be able to overcome and to experience resilency in our lives as we endure suffering, tremendous grief- we are able to move through it despite it. Some of our lives betrayals were not our chose and we have to choose to put our lives back together after the painful experiences.

Remember that thoughts are powerful, even if they are not true and it is important to sift our thoughts through what God says about us. When we stay stuck in the victim position- we "feel trapped" then react and quickly want a path out. The fact is that we have no way of controlling what another person will do. Living an empowered lives means we personally take responsibility for ourselves. We decide what we need to do and we get out of the victim position and mindset. You start by taking responsibility for your life and consider choices. Blame is another shamer stance as well. "It's not fair, it's not my fault and there's nothing I can do about it" keeps you in the victim cycle as well. Yes, it may not have been your fault, yes, it is not fair- yet, at some point your abillity to change the way you deal with confllict and confronting how you are going to shift into what you are responsible to do next is the way out.

Ungodly IDENTITY statements that are fiery darts that could be prospering in your life:

The enemy says: I am overlooked

Father God says: I am seen

The enemy says: I am guilty/tainted

Father God says: I am washed,cleansed and robed in Christ's Righteousness.

The enemy says: I am unloveable

Father God says: I am His treasure. He loves me unconditionally.

Examples of ungodly beliefs (lies/mind) that you feel(emotions/heart)

"Something is wrong with me" (shame/false guilt/blame) *When you have done nothing wrong.

The truth is: The Holy Spirit will convict me when I do something that hurts Him or I know contradicts His word and nature.

"I will never be completly accepted, desired or wanted just for me. I must do things to earn love." (fear of abandonment/fear of rejection/shame/falseguilt)

The truth is: God completely accepts me unconditionally because of Jesus finished work on the cross. I can live a life of daily repentance knowing that God loves me even when I sin and make a mistake.

"They will never change. I will never trust them again or other people." (fears of distrust/abandonment/rejection, shame)

The truth is: that I can learn and discern who I should trust. I am capable of rebuilding trust with someone who takes responsibility for their part. I will not fix or rescue someone who is not carrying their share of the work and own their part. I will not be overly-responsible because it keeps others from how to own their part.

Responsiblity helps us to learn and to identify our needs, face fears, make risks and learn to overcome uncomfortable relationship situations. Most growth is uncomfortable. We get to learn from our mistakes and to have grace for one another. You can not make choices for someone else but you can advocate and speak up for what you need.

Collaboration is another necessary part of recovery. It allows us to learn how to care well for ourselves, create your values and boundaries and you then can release others to take ownership if they chose to. That is the beauty of restoration on your end. It is not contigent on the other person. You can heal, you can chose to deal with the impact even when they refuse.